9/20/2018

Questions to Ask at Speed Dating 

So, you've decided to try speed dating, but you have no idea what you are going to ask your speed dates? Here are some speed dating questions that will help you get the information you want out of potential long-term partners:


If she says no - don't take it personally. If it's possible - become her friend. You really can't lose anything - you can only have one more friend. Once she knows you better, she might even ask you out.
 




Whenever one reads any reading matter, it is vital that the person enjoys reading it. One should grasp the meaning of the matter, only then can it be considered that the reading is complete.

Various factors can be at play during the initial attraction. Sometimes it begins as physical impulse - pheromones doing their work - and sometimes it starts as an emotional connection first. Usually it involves an implicit assessment of the other's suitability as a potential mate (genetic donor) and/or a long-term partner (protector of self and of future offspring). This entails a complex interplay of observation (often matching them up to our ideal, or even setting them up as an ideal), reaction (via chemicals and body language) and interaction.

The same happens with some of the ugly men we meet. The point is that a single detail is enough to destroy what could otherwise be called a pleasant posture. However, even a single detail turns into something uninviting that cannot be ignored if it is visible. On the other hand, there are ugly people in the posture of whom we cannot identify but rarely some minor details that could be said to be beautiful. It is amazing how one uncomely detail can contribute to a general categorization into ugly women or ugly men and, on the contrary, how one beautiful detail is not sufficient to "redeem" individuals from their identification as ugly people.

An excellent book that deals with attraction from an evolutionary perspective is 'The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature' by Geoffrey Miller. His hypothesis is that a lot of how we conduct our lives e.g. high status jobs, creative work, being charitable or popular for example, sends signals to attract potential partners.

Who was your hero as a child? What makes you laugh and what makes you cry? What are you most proud of in your life? What is the one thing you would most like me to know about you?

Ask for her number. If you feel uncomfortable asking for her number after a few minutes try to find out what local coffee bars she likes to frequent. You might be able to arrange another "accidental" meeting there.

An available person is likely to send out the right signals when they are self-contented. It is a clich??, but a relevant one - when we can accept and love ourselves, we are in a good position to be accepted and loved by another. Inner confidence makes itself visible to potential partners. It is more convincing than 'fake' confidence (though sometimes in imagining ourselves confident, we can become it). This is why many happily committed individuals can be so appealing to others.

People feel sexually attracted to other people on account of a number of physical traits that could be identified, at the level of each individual, as pleasant and seductive. This means that physical appearance has the greatest influence on determining the type of partner we want, at least in the beginning of an intimate, erotic relationship. As a result, we are prompted into categorizing people into ugly men and ugly women. However, this identification only depends on individual preferences.

There are more and more forums for finding love including internet, speed-dating, lonely-hearts columns and match-making services. There have been many success stories linked with these platforms and they are drawing a wide audience. They are effective in part because they exclude individuals who are not looking for romance. The drawbacks can be that we don't have time to see the individual in roles other than as a 'potential date'. Also, increasingly relationships begin in the virtual sphere (online, SMS texts) which can remove some of the depth of a real relationship including the pain of being rejected. For clients in therapy who are considering more traditional meeting grounds, we explore options such as taking up hobbies, playing sports, joining clubs or organizing friendly dinner parties (perhaps asking friends to bring a single friend). These activities are rewarding in their own right, and carry the bonus of forming friendships and partnerships.

Picking up women is a skill anyone can learn. Don't think that you can only find women to date when you are out at a party. Women are everywhere - you only need to pay closer attention. Use this fact and practice - flirt with as many women as you can and, at the beginning, with women you are not that interested in. Soon, you'll become an expert.

Generally speaking, we select partners that are roughly similar to our own level of 'reproductive attractiveness' (measured in the wide sense). This means that it is not only the most 'attractive' individuals who manage to form partnerships - there is someone for everyone.

We see, hear and smell other people; we do this on a daily basis, sometimes without even being aware of it. Sometimes unwillingly, other times deliberately, we tag other people on account of what our senses tell us about them. If their physical appearance reveals anything that we could label as unpleasant, we tend to immediately dismiss any association between beauty and the individual we are examining. However, which are the characteristics that make us differentiate between ugly women/ugly men and their beautiful counterparts?

A useful, although reductive, theory on attraction comes from evolutionary psychology. It holds that we are drawn to others on the basis of our assessment of their reproductive fitness. We weigh up physical qualities (symmetry, health, youth, strength in men, child-bearing indicators in women), material possessions (wealth), social skills (status, charity, humour, confidence) and cultural factors (fashion, weight, skin tone, hair styles, body decoration). We have roughly standardized perceptions of 'attractive' individuals, though it can vary over history and in different parts of the world.

Whenever one reads any reading matter, it is vital that the person enjoys reading it. One should grasp the meaning of the matter, only then can it be considered that the reading is complete.



Icebreaker Pheromone Cologne



Try to keep the conversation flowing naturally. Don't make it feel like an interview. Come up with some stories about you that are interesting. Be funny - this will break the ice and make her like you more as a person. Being funny when you are too nervous is not easy, but you must learn it. Don't talk about topics you know nothing about and don't talk too much about only one subject. Also, conversation about religion, politics, and anything else that is controversial, should be avoided. Also, it is natural to have breaks in a conversation - don't worry about this.

When you see an attractive woman, assess the situation and make eye contact. Don't stare and don't look like a psycho. Apply the "3 second rule". This means that, if you see a woman you think is attractive, three seconds after that you should start a conversation with her. What to say? Well, a good thing to do is to use a neutral-opinion opener. For example, you ask her a question about something that has nothing to do with you. In fact, it really doesn't matter what you say. Women pay more attention to the way you're saying it. She's looking for a man who is confident.

What words would your friends use to describe you? It's not a good idea to ask your prospective date where she or he lives until you know them a little better. If possible avoid sensitive areas such as religion or politics. Remember to maintain eye contact during the conversation. Also, don't turn the conversation into an interrogation.

What are you looking for in a relationship? What you don't want in a relationship? Which is the one job in the world that you would really like to do?

Why is it more difficult for agreeable, beautiful features to stand out from a mass of ugly characteristics? Why is it so easy for ugly features to cast a veiling shadow over beautiful characteristics and to make us forget everything about beauty? Truth be told, it all depends on how we are educated and on the environment we spend most of our time. In time, we tend to acquire the same standards of labeling as those shared by those around us. If most of the people in the company of whom we live think that a fat woman is an ugly woman, then so do we, even if somewhere else there are people (both men and women) who are not disturbed by a bit of fat. On the contrary, they even find it appealing.

If you could travel through time, what mistake would you correct in your life? What do you do for fun? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

If you had three wishes, what would they be? If you were an animal, what would you be? If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?

Ideas about compatibility include 'opposites attract' and 'like-minded attract'. There seems to be clinical support for both positions. On the one hand we may be drawn to individuals who have characteristics we lack. They may reflect our shadow side - the elements that reside within us but which we refuse to acknowledge. They may also balance or complement our personalities. Some examples of differences include highly-driven v. relaxed, artistic v. scientific, sporty v. sedate and introverted v. extroverted. On the other hand, like-minded individuals may connect well because it widens the field of interaction, for example sports lovers can play and watch games together, and extroverts can socialize happily. What seems important in either of these positions is that the underlying core values are congruent. Ethical and social ideals tend to be matched in solid partnerships.

It is important that you trust your gut instinct. Asking the right questions combined with your intuition will definitely help you find the man or woman of your dreams.

First of all, an adequate, uniform body stance, lacking visible, major physical imperfections, is likely to determine us to label such as presence as an agreeable one. On the contrary, if there is something that ruins this uniformity, we tend to instantly detect something that reminds us of ugliness. For instance, there are many women who are tall and well-built; they have the perfect complexion, the perfect legs and breasts, and the perfect lips and eyes, and yet they are labeled as ugly women simply because their faces are "decorated", in some of the most incredible manners, by literally misshaped noses, too big or too crooked, making them look like evil sorceresses or strangely nosed animals.

Do you believe in love at first sight? What do you think is the most important value in a relationship? When was your last relationship? How long did it last?


In the end, the whole point is that sexual attraction is practically absent where one of the two potential partners identifies something as ugly in the appearance of the other. However, there are many people who don't mind a nose a lot bigger than the usual standards as long as the face and the body that carry such a nose are otherwise unblemished. Truth be told, no one is searching for perfection. They are only looking for someone whose body should display as little or as few imperfections as possible. Even ugly women and ugly men could back up such a statement; if they are ugly, it doesn't necessarily mean they are attracted to ugliness.



Much thought was put into the compilation of this article on manufacturers of human pheromones. Do you think that the efforts were enough?
Author Dave Thomson
 
 
 


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