1/22/2019

Questions to Ask at Speed Dating 

So, you've decided to try speed dating, but you have no idea what you are going to ask your speed dates? Here are some speed dating questions that will help you get the information you want out of potential long-term partners:


There are more and more forums for finding love including internet, speed-dating, lonely-hearts columns and match-making services. There have been many success stories linked with these platforms and they are drawing a wide audience. They are effective in part because they exclude individuals who are not looking for romance. The drawbacks can be that we don't have time to see the individual in roles other than as a 'potential date'. Also, increasingly relationships begin in the virtual sphere (online, SMS texts) which can remove some of the depth of a real relationship including the pain of being rejected. For clients in therapy who are considering more traditional meeting grounds, we explore options such as taking up hobbies, playing sports, joining clubs or organizing friendly dinner parties (perhaps asking friends to bring a single friend). These activities are rewarding in their own right, and carry the bonus of forming friendships and partnerships.
 




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Do you believe in love at first sight? What do you think is the most important value in a relationship? When was your last relationship? How long did it last?

An excellent book that deals with attraction from an evolutionary perspective is 'The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature' by Geoffrey Miller. His hypothesis is that a lot of how we conduct our lives e.g. high status jobs, creative work, being charitable or popular for example, sends signals to attract potential partners.

Ideas about compatibility include 'opposites attract' and 'like-minded attract'. There seems to be clinical support for both positions. On the one hand we may be drawn to individuals who have characteristics we lack. They may reflect our shadow side - the elements that reside within us but which we refuse to acknowledge. They may also balance or complement our personalities. Some examples of differences include highly-driven v. relaxed, artistic v. scientific, sporty v. sedate and introverted v. extroverted. On the other hand, like-minded individuals may connect well because it widens the field of interaction, for example sports lovers can play and watch games together, and extroverts can socialize happily. What seems important in either of these positions is that the underlying core values are congruent. Ethical and social ideals tend to be matched in solid partnerships.

Who was your hero as a child? What makes you laugh and what makes you cry? What are you most proud of in your life? What is the one thing you would most like me to know about you?

Generally speaking, we select partners that are roughly similar to our own level of 'reproductive attractiveness' (measured in the wide sense). This means that it is not only the most 'attractive' individuals who manage to form partnerships - there is someone for everyone.

Various factors can be at play during the initial attraction. Sometimes it begins as physical impulse - pheromones doing their work - and sometimes it starts as an emotional connection first. Usually it involves an implicit assessment of the other's suitability as a potential mate (genetic donor) and/or a long-term partner (protector of self and of future offspring). This entails a complex interplay of observation (often matching them up to our ideal, or even setting them up as an ideal), reaction (via chemicals and body language) and interaction.

So, you've decided to try speed dating, but you have no idea what you are going to ask your speed dates? Here are some speed dating questions that will help you get the information you want out of potential long-term partners:

An available person is likely to send out the right signals when they are self-contented. It is a clich??, but a relevant one - when we can accept and love ourselves, we are in a good position to be accepted and loved by another. Inner confidence makes itself visible to potential partners. It is more convincing than 'fake' confidence (though sometimes in imagining ourselves confident, we can become it). This is why many happily committed individuals can be so appealing to others.

If you had three wishes, what would they be? If you were an animal, what would you be? If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?

If you could travel through time, what mistake would you correct in your life? What do you do for fun? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Although substitution of human parts such as in the case of buying a human heart for transplants have been accepted as ethical and can be permitted, the question as to whether or not it is ethical to buy human pheromones is still very controversial. Note that human pheromones have been closely associated with reproduction and attraction of the opposite sex so normally, people react strongly on the suggestion that it is alright to buy human pheromones.

Who was your hero as a child? What makes you laugh and what makes you cry? What are you most proud of in your life? What is the one thing you would most like me to know about you?

In the case of opposite sex attraction, human pheromones are said to facilitate the bonding of two people. According to some researchers, the human pheromones play an active role in giving out sexual messages. In fact, according to some, the pheromones can be so closely associated with reproduction in almost all species that it is but normal that human beings also emit this type of chemicals to attract their mate. Given this explanations on the human pheromones, a lot of people are turning to buying human pheromones to enhance their sexual desirability.

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What are you looking for in a relationship? What you don't want in a relationship? Which is the one job in the world that you would really like to do?

Pheromones were first discovered in 1959 when a group of scientists studied the behaviors of insects. According to the study on pheromones, insects excrete this substance to communicate with their own species. Later on, it was found out that other types of animals including humans do have pheromones which are responsible for some forms of communications especially between mothers and their infants and in the attraction between sexes.

Do you believe in love at first sight? What do you think is the most important value in a relationship? When was your last relationship? How long did it last?

If you had three wishes, what would they be? If you were an animal, what would you be? If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?

What words would your friends use to describe you? It's not a good idea to ask your prospective date where she or he lives until you know them a little better. If possible avoid sensitive areas such as religion or politics. Remember to maintain eye contact during the conversation. Also, don't turn the conversation into an interrogation.

Note that according to studies in the areas of human pheromones, the mother and infant communicate with one other in such a way that they are able to convey certain types of messages without the use of words. Infants instinctively recognize their mothers by simply relying on the scents, textures and smells that the mother emits.

If you could travel through time, what mistake would you correct in your life? What do you do for fun? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

It is important that you trust your gut instinct. Asking the right questions combined with your intuition will definitely help you find the man or woman of your dreams.

What are you looking for in a relationship? What you don't want in a relationship? Which is the one job in the world that you would really like to do?

Discussions on the possibilities of buying human pheromones have been a subject of many discussions in the past along with the issues of cloning and other forms of substitution of human body parts.

What words would your friends use to describe you? It's not a good idea to ask your prospective date where she or he lives until you know them a little better. If possible avoid sensitive areas such as religion or politics. Remember to maintain eye contact during the conversation. Also, don't turn the conversation into an interrogation.

A useful, although reductive, theory on attraction comes from evolutionary psychology. It holds that we are drawn to others on the basis of our assessment of their reproductive fitness. We weigh up physical qualities (symmetry, health, youth, strength in men, child-bearing indicators in women), material possessions (wealth), social skills (status, charity, humour, confidence) and cultural factors (fashion, weight, skin tone, hair styles, body decoration). We have roughly standardized perceptions of 'attractive' individuals, though it can vary over history and in different parts of the world.

It is important that you trust your gut instinct. Asking the right questions combined with your intuition will definitely help you find the man or woman of your dreams.


Although there are many people that are thrilled with the idea that they can buy human pheromones, there are also many who do not like even the mere thought of purchasing human pheromones to attract their mates. A lot of people believe that human relationships should come naturally and it is wrong for science to tamper with the natural flow of human relationships. It is their belief that it is wrong to buy human pheromones and that tampering with the natural flow of things could cause problems.



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Author Dave Thomson
 
 
 


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