7/20/2019

Giving Compliments to Women 

Compliments are a simple but effective way to make a woman you are interested in feel special. However, most men don't know how to give good compliments. Here are just a few basic tips:


Try to give a unique compliment about a certain characteristic that most people overlook. For example, never tell her how beautiful she is, because everyone has said that to her. Compliment a woman for her intelligence. Also, consider commenting on actions instead on looks. Even an extremely gorgeous woman will love being complimented on more than just her appearance.
 




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If she says no - don't take it personally. If it's possible - become her friend. You really can't lose anything - you can only have one more friend. Once she knows you better, she might even ask you out.

A useful, although reductive, theory on attraction comes from evolutionary psychology. It holds that we are drawn to others on the basis of our assessment of their reproductive fitness. We weigh up physical qualities (symmetry, health, youth, strength in men, child-bearing indicators in women), material possessions (wealth), social skills (status, charity, humour, confidence) and cultural factors (fashion, weight, skin tone, hair styles, body decoration). We have roughly standardized perceptions of 'attractive' individuals, though it can vary over history and in different parts of the world.

Generally speaking, we select partners that are roughly similar to our own level of 'reproductive attractiveness' (measured in the wide sense). This means that it is not only the most 'attractive' individuals who manage to form partnerships - there is someone for everyone.

Make sure you come up with something original. Don't use generic compliments - they are corny, boring and there's absolutely no doubt she heard that kind of compliment a thousand times before. Typical vague compliments are often completely ignored by women so make your compliments detailed.

In the end, the whole point is that sexual attraction is practically absent where one of the two potential partners identifies something as ugly in the appearance of the other. However, there are many people who don't mind a nose a lot bigger than the usual standards as long as the face and the body that carry such a nose are otherwise unblemished. Truth be told, no one is searching for perfection. They are only looking for someone whose body should display as little or as few imperfections as possible. Even ugly women and ugly men could back up such a statement; if they are ugly, it doesn't necessarily mean they are attracted to ugliness.

Why is it more difficult for agreeable, beautiful features to stand out from a mass of ugly characteristics? Why is it so easy for ugly features to cast a veiling shadow over beautiful characteristics and to make us forget everything about beauty? Truth be told, it all depends on how we are educated and on the environment we spend most of our time. In time, we tend to acquire the same standards of labeling as those shared by those around us. If most of the people in the company of whom we live think that a fat woman is an ugly woman, then so do we, even if somewhere else there are people (both men and women) who are not disturbed by a bit of fat. On the contrary, they even find it appealing.

Ideas about compatibility include 'opposites attract' and 'like-minded attract'. There seems to be clinical support for both positions. On the one hand we may be drawn to individuals who have characteristics we lack. They may reflect our shadow side - the elements that reside within us but which we refuse to acknowledge. They may also balance or complement our personalities. Some examples of differences include highly-driven v. relaxed, artistic v. scientific, sporty v. sedate and introverted v. extroverted. On the other hand, like-minded individuals may connect well because it widens the field of interaction, for example sports lovers can play and watch games together, and extroverts can socialize happily. What seems important in either of these positions is that the underlying core values are congruent. Ethical and social ideals tend to be matched in solid partnerships.

Ask for her number. If you feel uncomfortable asking for her number after a few minutes try to find out what local coffee bars she likes to frequent. You might be able to arrange another "accidental" meeting there.

People feel sexually attracted to other people on account of a number of physical traits that could be identified, at the level of each individual, as pleasant and seductive. This means that physical appearance has the greatest influence on determining the type of partner we want, at least in the beginning of an intimate, erotic relationship. As a result, we are prompted into categorizing people into ugly men and ugly women. However, this identification only depends on individual preferences.

First of all, an adequate, uniform body stance, lacking visible, major physical imperfections, is likely to determine us to label such as presence as an agreeable one. On the contrary, if there is something that ruins this uniformity, we tend to instantly detect something that reminds us of ugliness. For instance, there are many women who are tall and well-built; they have the perfect complexion, the perfect legs and breasts, and the perfect lips and eyes, and yet they are labeled as ugly women simply because their faces are "decorated", in some of the most incredible manners, by literally misshaped noses, too big or too crooked, making them look like evil sorceresses or strangely nosed animals.

Picking up women is a skill anyone can learn. Don't think that you can only find women to date when you are out at a party. Women are everywhere - you only need to pay closer attention. Use this fact and practice - flirt with as many women as you can and, at the beginning, with women you are not that interested in. Soon, you'll become an expert.

Don't overuse compliments. If you compliment her too often, it will make you look like a pathetic wuss who is seeking approval. And it can be really annoying. For every compliment that you give her, tease her and poke fun at her insecurities at least twice. Be careful with this - a lady must know that you are just having fun with her.

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Give compliments that you sincerely believe to be true. Keep the compliments short and sweet. Speak in a friendly voice and don't sound boring. Make eye contact and smile. Make sure your smile is not a fake smile - just relax your face and you'll have a natural warm smile.

When you see an attractive woman, assess the situation and make eye contact. Don't stare and don't look like a psycho. Apply the "3 second rule". This means that, if you see a woman you think is attractive, three seconds after that you should start a conversation with her. What to say? Well, a good thing to do is to use a neutral-opinion opener. For example, you ask her a question about something that has nothing to do with you. In fact, it really doesn't matter what you say. Women pay more attention to the way you're saying it. She's looking for a man who is confident.

Try to keep the conversation flowing naturally. Don't make it feel like an interview. Come up with some stories about you that are interesting. Be funny - this will break the ice and make her like you more as a person. Being funny when you are too nervous is not easy, but you must learn it. Don't talk about topics you know nothing about and don't talk too much about only one subject. Also, conversation about religion, politics, and anything else that is controversial, should be avoided. Also, it is natural to have breaks in a conversation - don't worry about this.

We see, hear and smell other people; we do this on a daily basis, sometimes without even being aware of it. Sometimes unwillingly, other times deliberately, we tag other people on account of what our senses tell us about them. If their physical appearance reveals anything that we could label as unpleasant, we tend to immediately dismiss any association between beauty and the individual we are examining. However, which are the characteristics that make us differentiate between ugly women/ugly men and their beautiful counterparts?

An available person is likely to send out the right signals when they are self-contented. It is a clich??, but a relevant one - when we can accept and love ourselves, we are in a good position to be accepted and loved by another. Inner confidence makes itself visible to potential partners. It is more convincing than 'fake' confidence (though sometimes in imagining ourselves confident, we can become it). This is why many happily committed individuals can be so appealing to others.

Give a compliment that reflects the effect that she has on you. This kind of compliment emphasizes the relationship between the two of you, rather than just the things she does.

Various factors can be at play during the initial attraction. Sometimes it begins as physical impulse - pheromones doing their work - and sometimes it starts as an emotional connection first. Usually it involves an implicit assessment of the other's suitability as a potential mate (genetic donor) and/or a long-term partner (protector of self and of future offspring). This entails a complex interplay of observation (often matching them up to our ideal, or even setting them up as an ideal), reaction (via chemicals and body language) and interaction.

An excellent book that deals with attraction from an evolutionary perspective is 'The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature' by Geoffrey Miller. His hypothesis is that a lot of how we conduct our lives e.g. high status jobs, creative work, being charitable or popular for example, sends signals to attract potential partners.

The same happens with some of the ugly men we meet. The point is that a single detail is enough to destroy what could otherwise be called a pleasant posture. However, even a single detail turns into something uninviting that cannot be ignored if it is visible. On the other hand, there are ugly people in the posture of whom we cannot identify but rarely some minor details that could be said to be beautiful. It is amazing how one uncomely detail can contribute to a general categorization into ugly women or ugly men and, on the contrary, how one beautiful detail is not sufficient to "redeem" individuals from their identification as ugly people.

There are more and more forums for finding love including internet, speed-dating, lonely-hearts columns and match-making services. There have been many success stories linked with these platforms and they are drawing a wide audience. They are effective in part because they exclude individuals who are not looking for romance. The drawbacks can be that we don't have time to see the individual in roles other than as a 'potential date'. Also, increasingly relationships begin in the virtual sphere (online, SMS texts) which can remove some of the depth of a real relationship including the pain of being rejected. For clients in therapy who are considering more traditional meeting grounds, we explore options such as taking up hobbies, playing sports, joining clubs or organizing friendly dinner parties (perhaps asking friends to bring a single friend). These activities are rewarding in their own right, and carry the bonus of forming friendships and partnerships.



We have tried to write all this about male pheromone spray without leaving any margin of doubt lying in you. If there is any margin, do remove it.
Author Dave Thomson
 
 
 


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