8/20/2017

Questions to Ask at Speed Dating 

So, you've decided to try speed dating, but you have no idea what you are going to ask your speed dates? Here are some speed dating questions that will help you get the information you want out of potential long-term partners:


I know it can be super expensive and it might not fit into your schedule, but you'll grow as a person and expand your conversational repertoire because of it.

Do you believe in love at first sight? What do you think is the most important value in a relationship? When was your last relationship? How long did it last?
 




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Various factors can be at play during the initial attraction. Sometimes it begins as physical impulse - pheromones doing their work - and sometimes it starts as an emotional connection first. Usually it involves an implicit assessment of the other's suitability as a potential mate (genetic donor) and/or a long-term partner (protector of self and of future offspring). This entails a complex interplay of observation (often matching them up to our ideal, or even setting them up as an ideal), reaction (via chemicals and body language) and interaction.

There are more and more forums for finding love including internet, speed-dating, lonely-hearts columns and match-making services. There have been many success stories linked with these platforms and they are drawing a wide audience. They are effective in part because they exclude individuals who are not looking for romance. The drawbacks can be that we don't have time to see the individual in roles other than as a 'potential date'. Also, increasingly relationships begin in the virtual sphere (online, SMS texts) which can remove some of the depth of a real relationship including the pain of being rejected. For clients in therapy who are considering more traditional meeting grounds, we explore options such as taking up hobbies, playing sports, joining clubs or organizing friendly dinner parties (perhaps asking friends to bring a single friend). These activities are rewarding in their own right, and carry the bonus of forming friendships and partnerships.

Who was your hero as a child? What makes you laugh and what makes you cry? What are you most proud of in your life? What is the one thing you would most like me to know about you?

Ideas about compatibility include 'opposites attract' and 'like-minded attract'. There seems to be clinical support for both positions. On the one hand we may be drawn to individuals who have characteristics we lack. They may reflect our shadow side - the elements that reside within us but which we refuse to acknowledge. They may also balance or complement our personalities. Some examples of differences include highly-driven v. relaxed, artistic v. scientific, sporty v. sedate and introverted v. extroverted. On the other hand, like-minded individuals may connect well because it widens the field of interaction, for example sports lovers can play and watch games together, and extroverts can socialize happily. What seems important in either of these positions is that the underlying core values are congruent. Ethical and social ideals tend to be matched in solid partnerships.

To become a good conversationalist, you need to become interesting. And to become interesting, you need to experience many different things so that you will have different, unique experiences to talk about.

Looking at the type of women men love is a good indicator of what men are looking for; but not necessarily in the most literal sense. Whether it's Angelina Jolie or the average-looking receptionist all the guys drool over; finding out what it is about these women men love can give you clues to what you lack. I think that once you dig inside what it is these women have to offer, you would be surprised.

An available person is likely to send out the right signals when they are self-contented. It is a clich??, but a relevant one - when we can accept and love ourselves, we are in a good position to be accepted and loved by another. Inner confidence makes itself visible to potential partners. It is more convincing than 'fake' confidence (though sometimes in imagining ourselves confident, we can become it). This is why many happily committed individuals can be so appealing to others.

If you could travel through time, what mistake would you correct in your life? What do you do for fun? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

If you had three wishes, what would they be? If you were an animal, what would you be? If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?

If you can't afford to go by yourself, or with a friend, consider going on a missions trip through a church (the church will sometimes help out financially - and it can be a great place to meet some girls).

A useful, although reductive, theory on attraction comes from evolutionary psychology. It holds that we are drawn to others on the basis of our assessment of their reproductive fitness. We weigh up physical qualities (symmetry, health, youth, strength in men, child-bearing indicators in women), material possessions (wealth), social skills (status, charity, humour, confidence) and cultural factors (fashion, weight, skin tone, hair styles, body decoration). We have roughly standardized perceptions of 'attractive' individuals, though it can vary over history and in different parts of the world.

Girls love adventure, fun and spontaneity. And if you go (or have gone on a few adventures), then they think that you could be fun, exciting, and spontaneous.

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In addition to intelligence, women men love are incredibly confident. The level of independence that comes with pursuing your goals can give you quite the confidence boost. Wearing your confidence (not conceited) like a badge can be the equivalent to spraying pheromones in a bar; just a few puffs and watch the men swarm! You will be so focused on celebrating your new found success that instead of reeking of desperation, you are now one of the women men love.

Go on a road trip. Go camping or hiking. It's all about the experiences that you can have, the pictures you can show and the stories that you can tell. That's what will make you a better conversationalist.

When you look at the type of women men love you probably consider looks first, but the one characteristic all these women possess is intelligence. Whether you want to believe it or not, men love intelligent women and showing a man how smart you are will pique his interest. If you want to be one of the women men love, stop focusing so much on why you don't have a boyfriend and own your independence. Smart women strive to achieve their goals, which gives them less time to tend to their man's every want and need.

If you've been in the dating game for a bit too long, you know how hard it is to find a good match. If you are a woman, you might have even tried to wear more revealing outfits to compete with the younger girls, only to find yourself still single. And if you are a man, you might be feeling the pressure and tend to come on like gang busters to any woman walking. Well don't feel too bad because obviously there are a lot of people still single and will continue to act like this. The good thing for you is that you no longer will!

What words would your friends use to describe you? It's not a good idea to ask your prospective date where she or he lives until you know them a little better. If possible avoid sensitive areas such as religion or politics. Remember to maintain eye contact during the conversation. Also, don't turn the conversation into an interrogation.

Suddenly, talking to a strange girl will be no big deal once you've been lost in the wilderness, or have taken the wrong train in Europe. Take the road less traveled, and enjoy the ride. Live. Don't be totally consumed with tomorrow and your future that you forget to live today. It's not worth it in the long run.

Being one of those women men love also requires a certain level of self-awareness. It may be that you are, in fact one of the women men love, but perhaps you aren't looking for the right kind of man. If you don't know yourself well enough to recognize a bad match, you probably aren't ready for a relationship anyway. Next time you find yourself observing the women men love, notice how the partnerships are equal. Looking to your partner for your own happiness only leads to unmet expectations and disappointment.

It is important that you trust your gut instinct. Asking the right questions combined with your intuition will definitely help you find the man or woman of your dreams.

What are you looking for in a relationship? What you don't want in a relationship? Which is the one job in the world that you would really like to do?

Take a minute to brainstorm ideas right now. Any type of traveling will work - just try and turn it into an adventure. I'm sure you won't find it too hard to come up with something that could be an adventure.

Generally speaking, we select partners that are roughly similar to our own level of 'reproductive attractiveness' (measured in the wide sense). This means that it is not only the most 'attractive' individuals who manage to form partnerships - there is someone for everyone.

Once you have unique experiences to talk about, you will find it much easier to start a conversation. One way you can do this is to go traveling.

Focus on yourself and your own happiness first and you will be sure to become one of the women men love no matter what. Look for a new job or start that catering business you've always wanted. Not only will your confidence soar, but you'll have to fight the fellas off with a stick!

An excellent book that deals with attraction from an evolutionary perspective is 'The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature' by Geoffrey Miller. His hypothesis is that a lot of how we conduct our lives e.g. high status jobs, creative work, being charitable or popular for example, sends signals to attract potential partners.

Once you've done a few things, then you'll have some experiences to draw on in conversation, making it easier for you (as your stories will come across naturally), and much more interesting for them.



We have not left any stone unturned in compiling this article on pheromone forum. If you do find any unturned stones, do contact us!
Author Dave Thomson
 
 
 


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